Monday, March 31, 2008

Date with disaster

I don’t do dating. In fact I haven’t done dating for lots and lots of years. Casual sex; fine, a quick shag with no strings attached suits me fine. Actually, if it involves strings, ropes, candles etc, etc, so much the better!
So, last week, being asked out on a date came as a bit of a shock. Not that I minded, at least the conversation was guaranteed to be better than anything I’d get in this house!
Normally, when I drink, I turn into Norman Wisdom. Even after a wee “tincture” I’m still amiable. But I thought that I’d better behave and give the medicine cabinet a miss because the date involved a meal and coke tends to knacker your appetite. Likewise, after a belly full of beer, I’m not inclined to eat much more than cock!
To spare you the dull details, the date was not going many places fast, so I thought fuck it, lets get to the food part, and then I can bunk [sex never being on the agenda].
It turned out that my date had this department covered.
As we headed towards China Town I began to get twitchy. I hate any form of Oriental food. The look, smell, taste, everything. Not only do I dislike it, it revolts me.
As we stopped outside the door to the restaurant, I had to hold my hands up and say why I couldn’t go in. Now we really weren’t going places and we decided to call it a draw.
Probably just as well, I’m to old for this dating lark.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ladies Apparel II

Over the years I’ve seen quite a few gruesome things. Thus, not much revolts me.
This morning I was booked I to attend a training course in south London. Getting to Lambeth from Hampstead is quite easy, no changes on the tube, on at one end, off at the other. The only cloud on the horizon being Wednesday night. Wednesday night is quiz night and usually entails having a few drinks [a euphemism for getting drunk] following on from this, Thursday mornings generally dawn with a glowing hangover.
I knew that I was going to feel like shit so I settled down to the journey with a comforting read of the Metro. Having dispatched that, I was left to undertake the perennial “underground stare”. Having stared for only a few seconds I noticed one of the over-window adverts.
An innovative alternative to tampons
"3 days after using my mooncup for the first time and I want to tell the world what they are missing out on! I keep forgetting I'm even on my period! I was dubious at first but now I love it and am never letting it go! thank you sooo much! I'm telling as many as possible, I have posted a thread on the forum I regularly visit, and am telling all my friends. More people should know about this, I want them to know it's possible to actually enjoy having a period!"
Now I’m not a prude, but when confronted by “feminine hygiene” at 7.30 in the morning, combined with the hang-over from hell…..
Pass the sick bag!
It seems to be my luck that on the occasions I watch the TV, I’m confronted by either things with wings / strings [and neither of them are anything to do with Paul McCartney] or else some kind of bodily fluid preventative.
Is there to be no end to this? How long will it be before we have Joanna Lumley smiling at us while disclosing that she’s actually having a dump?
Should your stomach permit, you can read more here; Things that gentlemen shouldn't see!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Ladies Apparel

Let me say, from the start, that I am not a connoisseur of women’s clothing. Admittedly, I have worn frocks on the odd occasions, for New Years fancy dress parties, and such like. But other than that, that’s it.
What sparked this post was a conversation at work. Somebody mentioned Blustons, in Kentishtown, and how it was a shop that was on the verge of closing, it being the sort of shop that catered for ladies of a certain age, and had suddenly had a bit of an upturn in its fortunes.
Blustons is an olde-worlde emporium, how many shops these days advertise that they sell gowns or wrap the display garments in brown paper when it’s really sunny? Allegedly, the Saturday girl is over 70 and has been there since the early 60’s [although I think that that story may be apocryphal].

What had started the upturn in business was that the shop, because it sold larger sizes, began to be frequented by gentlemen who like to wear women’s clothes.
Being the token gay man in out section, I was asked for my opinion as to why transvestites would want to wear such dowdy clothing. Not being a transvestite, I couldn’t really answer. The two things that I could offer were that 1. Not every transvestite dresses like Lilly Savage, and 2. Why do people associate transvestism with homosexuality?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Male Grooming

I don’t like getting shaved. I don’t even see it as a necessary evil. I see it as a way of nature robbing me of an extra five minutes in bed on a morning.
To thin end, I only tend to get shaved every couple of days.
I also dislike shaving because my fur is like fuse wire. Myself and my brothers are cursed by this, but it’s not really a family trait. My dad’s hair was very thin [in every sense of the word] while we, his sons, are all like baboons; at some point the whole troop of us sporting beards in some shape or form.
It doesn’t follow that because I don’t like shaving that I like to wear a beard, I don’t. Facial hair is only a repository for food and, because mine doesn’t grow a uniform colour, I always look as though I‘m wearing a comedy mask.
To this end, when it comes to shaving, I’m quite picky as regards shaving equipment. It took me years to find a razor that would shave me as opposed to scrape me.

For a long time I used a safety razor. This thing was made by Wilkinson Sword and only took their brand of blades. Wilkinson’s are renown for making sharp swords [for ceremonial purposes] but blunt razor blades. Then Gillette came up with the “Sensor” range and a decent shaving gel to go with it. Of course, things have moved on a bit since then and I now use a Gillette Mach 3 which is about to be phased out so the whole process of finding a decent razor starts over again.

I can’t use a razor like the contraption that David uses. Four blades fixed in a tiny little head that swivels all over the place.
The whole purpose of this post, basically, was to extol the virtue of Nivea Shaving Gel. I’ve been using it for about a month, a tin of gel lasting me about a month, and this stuff is the bollox! I always thought the ultimate had been reached by Gillette with their range but this stuff leaves their goo standing.

Having laid up a supply of Mach 3 blades in readiness for them stopping production, all I have to do is wait for the inevitable, the day I can no longer buy them and have used up all my store. Then, I think, it’s back to the face fur.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Last Resting Place


The previous post lead me to this.
The first funeral I went to was my Dad's. I was not considered old enough to go to the funerals of my grandparents. That is with the exception of Grandma Phillips. The thing that messed that one up was that it was the day of my maths GSE exam. There was no way that Mam was going to let me miss that one so I didn't get to go to the funeral. Not only didn't I go to the funeral but I never went to the grave either. Well, not until the other weekend. I knew that her grave was in Killingbeck Cemetery, the catholic burial ground for Leeds, but I didn't know exactly where.
Granddad Phillips is also buried in Killingbeck, I'd been to his grave once, that would have been not long after he died. That was over thirty five years ago and I had only a rough idea where his grave was.
Never one to be thwarted by small things like that I took the opportunity to find and photograph their graves.
After quite a bit of trekking around in the rain I found Granddad's [Walter Philips] grave quite easily. It took me another hour to find Grandma's grave.
It wasn't the finding of it that surprised me, I would have found it had it taken me all day. The thing that surprised me was that I always thought her name was Kathleen [always shortened to Kitty]. It wasn't. Her name was Catherine.
I was glad that I been and seen their graves. I won't be able to do the same for the last resting places of my parents.
Dad never expressed a preference for where he wanted to end up. Well, if he did, he didn't do it to me. After he was cremated, Mam put his ashes on the back garden. "He spent most of his time out there, so that's where I'm putting him." she said "And his cat's out there, so that'll suit him" she added as an afterthought, but probably to justify the action. The only way I could "visit" him now would be to knock on the door of some poor unsuspecting householder. Not a visit I intend making.
Mam was more sure of her eventuality. Ever the staunch Yorkshire woman, she wanted her ashes to be scattered/ placed, or whatever you do with ashes, on the North Yorkshire Moors.
My eldest brother brought this to fruition for her. I don't know if he scattered or buried her ashes or even exactly where, all he said was that, from where ever it was, you could see the sea and the moors.
I know I'll never ask him for the exact location but, where ever it was, I'm sure it's just what she wanted, so that's good enough for me.

Albert Hirst Jagger

I came by this plaque sometime around 1980 at a junk fair. I had no idea what it was but I’d seen its like before. A friend of mine, or, more precisely, his mother, had one mounted in a wooden block which lived on the mantelpiece.
I’d never troubled myself to find out what it was, it was just one of those things a friends mother keeps on her mantle piece.
Anyway, the one I was looking at cost £1, a bargain, I thought then. And so it is still.
As soon as I got it home my Dad clapped eyes on it. “Where did you get this?” he asked “Flea Market” I replied. “Don’t ever throw it away” he cautioned. And that was it. It was years before I discovered what the thing actually was.

Edward Carter Preston's prize-winning design (the Imperial War Museum holds an original model in plaster, catalogue reference MEDP/3) comprises the figure of Britannia, classically robed and helmeted, standing facing right, holding a modest laurel wreath crown in her extended left hand and supporting a trident by her right side with her right arm and hand. In the foreground a male lion stands facing right; the animal was originally described as 'striding forward in a menacing attitude' which may explain its unusually low profile.
The prize-winning designs were exhibited for a time during the spring and early summer of 1918 at the Victoria and Albert Museum. The large scale production of the plaques was delayed by a whole series of problems relating to the refinement and unsuccessful modification of Carter Preston's winning model. These difficulties formed the basis for extensive correspondence on points of technical detail between G F Hill and the artist through the months of October to December 1918. It is clear that at times both became exasperated by the conflicting demands of standardisation for mass production and the claims for artistic integrity of the original piece.
Production of the plaques began in December 1918 but difficulties continued to beset the project. A disused laundry in Acton (West London), grandly called 'The Memorial Plaque Factory' was the first centre of production. It was managed by an eccentric American engineer and entrepreneur, named Manning Pike, and staffed principally by women. Hill had been impressed by Pike's solution to the problem of incorporating the names of the deceased on the plaque in such a manner as to harmonise with Carter Preston's chosen script. Despite his technical expertise Pike's monopoly was later brusquely terminated by the War Office and work transferred to Woolwich Arsenal and, subsequently, other former munitions factories. After the relative excitement of the competition the whole process of mass production was a slow and 'weary business'. At Woolwich the project foundered and Manning Pike was recalled to save the situation. The work was completed but not without the decline in standards of output which Hill had predicted:
Hill originally postulated a total number of '800,000' plaques to be produced; later estimates have put the total figure at some 1,150,000 specimens. The plaques issued commemorated those men and women who died between 4 August 1914 and 10 January 1920, for Home Establishments, Western Europe and the Dominions. The final date for other theatres of war (including Russia) or for those who died subsequently from attributable causes was 30 April 1920.
To accompany the plaques was a commemorative scroll.
The scrolls started to be manufactured in January 1919 (the original total estimate for scrolls by the Central School was 'about 970,000') and were sent out in seven and a quarter inch long cardboard tubes, an example is shown below, this one would have accompanied the plaque sent to an Austrailian officer.

The plaques themselves were dispatched under separate cover in stiff card wrapping enclosed within white envelopes bearing the Royal Arms. Both memorials were accompanied by a letter from King George V which bore his facsimile signature and read as follows:

I join with my grateful people in sending you this
memorial of a brave life given for others in the Great War.
George R.I.
So now I knew what the plaque was, colloquially, a "Death Penny", it being made from the same metal as the, then, coins penny, ha'penny and farthing. The picture of the scroll, above, is culled from the Imperial War Museum website, as is the bulk of the text.

This post is dedicated to the memory of Private Albert Hirst Jagger, late of Dobcross, Lancashire, who enlisted in the 8Btn Duke of Wellington’s [West Riding] Regiment. He was killed on the 9th October 1917. Albert Hirst Jagger has no known grave but is commemorated on the Tyne Cot memorial.

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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Dolls

In the background, the eponymous Sidney, having 40 winks.
Good old Russia, or whatever they call themselves this week. I’ve now got the excuse to buy another of the dolls for which they are famous. I like dolls, not in the Barbie style of things, Russian Dolls [and not the "big boned" type you find on the internet, who want a husband and a passport].
A couple of years ago, I picked this one up at a junk fair. I spotted it from a distance and was quite surprised to see a price tag of £5 on it.
It’s a big one, the outer “man” being about a foot tall. For a fiver, I thought, it must be missing some of its inner “men”. It wasn’t.
Ranging down, there’s Vladimir Putin, Boris Yeltsin, Mikhail Gorbachev, Leonid Brezhnev Nikita Khrushchev, Joseph Stalin Vladimir Lenin and then the last three are just three little female characters. Missing from the line-up are Georgy Malenkov, Yuri Andropov and Constantin Chernenko.
Of course, now that they’ve got a new president, Dimitry Medvedev, I’ll have to be on the hunt for an updated model.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Barnbow

The main road entrance, Manston Lane, in those days known as Barnbow Lane.
The same view today. The foundations of the two buildings [permit office and police post] are still to be found on the right in the hedgerow.
The entrance from the railway station. This would have been how the majority of the workforce would have arrived.


I couldn't miss the opportunity to be in Leeds and not go and take some pics of Barnbow, the site of a WW1 shell filling factory. Barnbow holds a special place in the nations history, as the following story relates;


"It is often said that wars are either won at sea, in the air, or in the trenches; however this story relates to a ‘war of production’ – a war that was fought in the factories of Leeds by a brave band of Yorkshire women known as the The Barnbow Lasses.
The story also records the worst tragedy in the history of the City of Leeds - in terms of people killed – a story however that never made the news headlines of the day. It recalls a dreadful explosion that killed 35 Yorkshire women and girls at the Barnbow Munitions factory at Crossgates during the First World War.
The declaration of war with Germany in August 1914 created an unprecedented and urgent need for large volumes of arms and munitions. And although Leeds did not have much of an arms industry at that time, the canny City Fathers, together with established manufacturing companies, decided to build one from scratch and quickly created the Leeds Munitions Committee. Shells produced by the Leeds Forge Company at Armley would also be filled and armed within the boundaries of the city.
A governing board of directors comprising six local Leeds men was established and tasked with overseeing the construction of the First National Shell Filling Factory. They met in August 1915 and selected a site at Barnbow, between the Crossgates and Garforth areas of Leeds, to construct a factory the size of which was described as ‘a city within a city’.
Back in 1915 things were made to happen at a slightly faster rate than would happen in the England of today, as by August shell production had started in the new Armley factory, and within months this was producing more than 10,000 shells per week.
At the Barnbow site, railway workers laid tracks directly into the factory complex to transport raw materials into and finished goods out of the factory. Platforms over 800 feet long were added to the nearby railway station in order to bring the workers directly to the factory gates. Massive factory buildings were quickly constructed enabling shell filling operations to start in December 1915.
The frantic but well organised construction in the autumn of 1915 included the erection of overhead power lines to bring electricity to the site. This, together with a boiler house, provided power for the heating and lighting of the whole factory. A water main laid in just four weeks, would deliver 200,000 gallons of water daily. Rapid progress was also made on the infrastructure buildings including changing rooms, canteens, administration blocks, etc.
The Barnbow site would eventually extend to cover some 200 acres. There was however, a complete press blackout of the area due to security concerns.
In order to recruit the large work force required to operate such a facility, an employment bureau was opened at Wellesley Barracks in Leeds. With one third of the workforce eventually recruited from Leeds, other workers came from nearby Castleford, Wakefield, Harrogate and many from the outlying villages. A 24-hour three shift system was introduced that operated 6 days a week, and by October 1916 the work force numbered 16,000. As the war continued and the death rate on front increased, so the gradual replacement of male with female labour increased, until the Barnbow workforce comprised almost 93% women or girls.
At that time a typical munitions worker's earnings averaged £3.0s.0d, however when a bonus scheme was put into production, the output of shells trebled and the girls handling the explosives were often taking home between £10 – £12, very big money indeed.All aspects of the operation appear to have been efficiently run with the latest electric payroll systems including calculating machines being introduced. Thirty-eight trains per day, known as Barnbow Specials, transported the workforce to and from the site and employees were provided with free permits for home-to-work journeys.
Working conditions on the other hand were barely tolerable. Workers employed in handling explosives had to strip to their underwear and wear buttonless smocks and caps. All had to wear rubber soled shoes, and hairpins, combs, cigarettes and matches were all strictly forbidden. Hours were long, conditions poor and holidays simply did not exist!
Food rationing was severe but because of the nature of their work the employees were allowed to drink as much milk and barley water as they wanted. Barnbow even had its own farm, complete with 120 cows producing 300 gallons of milk a day. Working with cordite, a propellant for the shells, for long periods caused the skin of the operatives to turn yellow, the cure for which was to drink plenty of milk.
It was just after 10pm on Tuesday 5th December 1916, when several hundred women and girls had just begun their night shift. Their tasks that fateful evening consisted as they normally did, of filling, fusing, finishing off and packing 4½ inch shells. Room 42 was mainly used for the filling, and between 150 and 170 girls worked there. Shells were brought to the room already loaded with high explosive and all that remained was the insertion of the fuse and the screwing down of the cap. A girl inserted the fuse by hand, screwed it down and then it was taken and placed into a machine that revolved the shell and screwed the fuse down tightly.
At 10.27pm a violent explosion rocked the very foundations of Room 42 killing 35 women outright, maiming and injuring dozens more. In some cases identification was only possible by the identity disks worn around the necks of the workers. The machine where the explosion had occurred was completely destroyed. Steam pipes had burst open and covered the floor with a cocktail of blood and water.
Despite the danger from further explosions other workers hurried into room 42 in order to help to bring the injured to safety. William Parker, a mechanic at the factory, was one particular hero of the hour and he was later presented with an inscribed silver watch for his bravery in bringing out about a dozen girls.
Within a few hours of the explosion, bodies having been taken out, other girls were volunteering to work in room 42. Production was stopped only briefly. Many of the injured girls were later taken for a period of convalescence to Weetwood Grange, which had been leased by Barnbow from the works Comfort Fund.
Due to the censorship of that time, no account of the accident was made public; however in a special order of the day issued from the British HQ in France, Field Marshall Sir Douglas Haigh paid tribute to the devotion and sacrifice of the munitions workers. The only clue to a tragedy having happened was in the many death notices in the Yorkshire Evening Post that stated, “killed by accident”.
It was not until six years after the war that the public were told the facts for the first time.
There were two further explosions at Barnbow, one in March 1917, killing two girl workers and another in May 1918, killing three men. A Roll of Honour of war dead, in the Colton Methodist Church, includes the name of the only Colton girl who died in the accident, a certain Ethel Jackson.
Barnbow was Britain’s premier shell factory between 1914 and 1918 and at the end of hostilities on 11 November 1918, production stopped for the first time. By that time a total of 566,000 tons of finished ammunition had been dispatched overseas.


The area that encompassed the factory was subsequently mined for coal but remains, largely, untouched.

As a kid, I spent lost of time, doing what boys do, all over the area. I never knew what it had been, only that it was teeming with rabbits and was a great place to play. Only in later years did I discover its history and it has fascinated me ever since.

But, the march of time and, more pointedly, development, means that the site is ripe for development. Much of what remained after the demolition of the buildings remains still. Since the last time I had a good wander around the area it had become quite overgrown with Birch and Hawthorne. Also large areas are fenced off and posted with warning notices about "Toxic Chemicals" After ninety years or so, it's still polluted.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Food of the Gods

Fresh back from Leeds and full to the brim with beer and fish & chips. It was only while satisfying my craving for fish & chips that I realised how rootless I really am. Having bought the bloody things I realised that I had nowhere to eat them. Furthermore, I had nothing to eat them with. To heap sacrilege on top of blasphemy, I also lacked brown sauce to put onto them!
So I bought a bottle of HP and sat in the car eating them with the smallest plastic fork in the world [and they were in a polystyrene box too].
Lovely, they were, bloody lovely!