Sunday, February 12, 2006

Say Cheese....

I don't like mobile phones. They are, I have to admit, something of a necessary evil. I'm not a complete Luddite who won't have / use one.
Last night, doing my moonlighting stint as a doorman [clip-board Nazi], I had to look after a private party. Look after only in as much as keep one load of screaming queens separated from another load of screaming queens.
"Sorry, it's a private party"
"I'm with the party"
"Fuck off"
"Can I just have a look?"
"Have you ever seen people standing around drinking?"
"'course I have"
"Well, that's what they're doing"
Amongst those who were standing around and drinking were a few twats also brandishing mobile phones and taking pic with them. Now using the bloody thing to phone somebody, fine. Using it to take a picture, waste of fukin' time.
If you look at the pic on the phone itself, it looks reasonable [quality, content - well....] but should you ever be foolish enough to extract the pic from the phone you get a pic exactly the same size as when you saw it on the phones screen and it's in some unheard of format, pic01. nrkf.exe for example. The quality is about 2 pixels to the inch and is so bad that you cannot figure out what the subject was.
Also amongst them [though technically not, because he spent most of the evening outside of the door with me] was the most desperate man in London on a Saturday night.
This poor [Brazilizn] sod was encumbered with two mobile phones and using both of them to phone everybody he had ever spoken to on MSN Messenger to try and coax them to come and meet him for a drink [with a view to something else, possible].
"Ello, zis iz Arturo, we were talking on MSN" [followed by an intricate weave to get the person to recall when it was].
He started with A in the phone book and was working his way through it.
I didn't know if I should feel sorry for him of if I should shove him back inside, there not being much room for the both of us to stand out on the stairs.
He had managed to get to F in his phone book [and had lots of people put the phone down on him] when my patience gave out and I moved him back inside.
Needless to say, I felt guilty for the rest of the night.... But he wasn't cute enough to drag home for a threes-up.

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