....So to speak.

I think I've covered thi ground before, it's the way people speak, not what they say, but their pronunciation.

This has come about again because I had a huge row with somebody at work.

Apart from the fact that she talks utter shite all day, the way she pronounce it really gets on my tits.

Now, I'm under no illusion that I talk like Penelope Keith [think of the characterization, from The Good Life] but my command of English hasn't quite descended to grunt, sniffs and glotteral stops, I think more of myself as sounding like, dare I say it, Bernard Manning.

"What's vis fing ven"? asked my colleague.

"What's a "vis fing ven""?

"What"?

"I don't know what it is"

"But you signed it in"

"What is it ven"?

"I'm Chris"

"What"?

"Chris, my name's Chris"

by now she was really confused, but she had gotten the idea that I was taking the piss.

"Can I get you an interpreter, or would you like to write your question down"?

.....So she did. In big letters with her best crayon she wrote WHAT IS THIS THING? on the evidence bag.

"Ah, sorry, I thought you said "what is vis fing ven"

At which point she started shouting at me etc, etc.

Later this afternoon the cow buttonholed me in the canteen. She explained, or tried to, why she spoke like a cunt. Then I explained to her why she spoke like a cunt [toooooo long-winded to go into here].

Now I know that some words in our language are not pronounced the way they are spelled but enven they do not have the corners knocked off of them to the extent that their pronunciation is changed totally.

Seemingly, any word which begining with TH is being replaced by the letter F, V or D.

Here are a few examples.

Fort = Thought

Fink = Think

Vis / Dis = This

Fanks = Thanks

Vat = That

Ve = The

The campaign goes on.