Judas! An open letter to lapsed homos
My dear fags,
We must mourn the passing of one of our number to the other side. The Fatalist has gone straight. Another one of our number lost forever.
I think he would have been better with a dog than a woman, here are some reasons why....
30 WAYS DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
1] If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room free of charge.
2] The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
3] If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away / sell them.
4] Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
5] People think fat dogs are cute.
6] A dog will let you put a studded leather collar on it without calling you a pervert.
7] Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
8] A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
9] If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
10] If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad ... they just find it interesting.
11] Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
12] In the car, your dog never insists on having the heater on.
13] A dog's disposition stays the same all month.
14] It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
15] A dog's parents never visit.
16] No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.
17] Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
18] Dogs agree; to get your point across, you have to raise your voice.
19] Dogs like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.
20] Dogs like to do their snooping outside, rather than in your wallet or desk.
21] Dogs are not allowed in shops.
22] Dogs seldom outlive you.
23] If a dog leaves you, it won't try to take half your stuff.
24] Dogs can't talk.
25] Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
26] You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day
27] Dogs like to go hunting.
28] Another man will seldom steal your dog.
29] If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you at the same time.
30] A dog will not wake you up at night and ask you, "If l died, would you get another dog?"
31] Dogs don't mind if you watch them piss or shit.
1] If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room free of charge.
2] The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
3] If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away / sell them.
4] Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
5] People think fat dogs are cute.
6] A dog will let you put a studded leather collar on it without calling you a pervert.
7] Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
8] A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
9] If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
10] If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad ... they just find it interesting.
11] Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
12] In the car, your dog never insists on having the heater on.
13] A dog's disposition stays the same all month.
14] It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
15] A dog's parents never visit.
16] No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.
17] Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
18] Dogs agree; to get your point across, you have to raise your voice.
19] Dogs like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.
20] Dogs like to do their snooping outside, rather than in your wallet or desk.
21] Dogs are not allowed in shops.
22] Dogs seldom outlive you.
23] If a dog leaves you, it won't try to take half your stuff.
24] Dogs can't talk.
25] Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
26] You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day
27] Dogs like to go hunting.
28] Another man will seldom steal your dog.
29] If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you at the same time.
30] A dog will not wake you up at night and ask you, "If l died, would you get another dog?"
31] Dogs don't mind if you watch them piss or shit.
Sorry to have a dig Fatalist, but I've been waiting for ages to get that one in and this was the perect excuse!
posted by liits at 9:34 PM
1 Comments:
I had never realised we were that bad!
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